For Students: Tips & Scripts for Surviving the College Questions this Holiday Season

When I’m learning a new task, I love to watch someone else do it, and copy them as closely as possible. In my former life as an admission counselor, and in my former-former life working in retail, this meant copying the language my supervisor would use to answer common questions. This is how I learned some of my favorite catchphrases – probably a good topic for another blog post.

But today I want to help any students out there who like to learn the same way.

I’ve rounded up some conversational techniques to help students deal with the dreaded college questions they get from extended family and other well-meaning adults. Feel free to send it to a high school student in your life, or read it yourself to remember what it’s like on the other side, and be thankful that you don’t have to be a teenager again.

For Students Who Are Running Out of Ways to Say “I Don’t Know Yet”

Let’s paint a holiday picture you might be familiar with.

You’re at a family gathering. You’ve barely gotten your jacket hung up when Aunt Linda corners you.

“Junior year, huh?” she starts off. “Starting to think about college?”

That’s just the tip of the iceberg. You know what follows: what are you going to major in? Where’s your dream school? What do you want to be when you grow up? What’s the meaning of life?

All you want is to get to the snacks and then go wait out the rest of this party with your cousins!

First of all, I’m so sorry. As one of the adults who often asks high school students to tell me about their plans for the future, I want to formally apologize for making it seem like that’s the only thing we care about.

We really do care about all the cool stuff you’re doing right now. Auditioning for the spring theatre production, mitigating a particularly complicated friend group fiasco, and reading an extremely good book are also important!

I want to try to explain what’s going on in our minds when we ask you all these questions about your future. It might make it a little less annoying to get the third degree if you know where it’s coming from. (No promises.)

First, I think we want a chance to be helpful. If you happen to be considering a major, college, part of the country, or career path we have some knowledge about, we want to share it to help. I know it doesn’t always come across as helpful, but often, that’s the intention.

Second, we can see that you’re getting ready to graduate from the kids’ table. We want to try engaging you in “adult” conversation by acknowledging that you’re already starting to do some adult things, like plan for the future. But sometimes, we get a little too excited and make it seem like you should have figured it out already, even though you have plenty of time!

Of course, I don’t know your family, so maybe their intentions aren’t covered here. And their intentions alone don’t help you out of a situation where you’ve gotta say something — anything — to move this along and get to the pumpkin pie.

So, I want to give you three techniques (and one bonus move for advanced players) that you can try to make those conversations easier on you.

1. Head them off at the pass

Get ahead of the questions by offering some information proactively. This works best if there’s one relative you know will ask you about your future, and you want to get the conversation over with. This will take some preparation and it can feel risky. First, pick a tidbit you feel confident sharing. Know that you want to major in biology? Have strong feelings about attending a large college with a lot of school spirit? Then, bring up your future plans early.

Them: “Good to see you! What have you been up to?”

You: “Not too much! I’m starting to explore colleges with good biology programs. I’m really interested in…”

Them: “What grade are you in now?”

You: “I’m a junior! Starting to think about what comes next. So far, I know I really want to go to a big school. I’m looking forward to…”

2. Take the reins

Steer the conversation towards something you feel comfortable talking about. I like this technique because if you are sick and tired of talking about the future, you can try and engage the person in something that’s important to you right now.

Them: “Hey! Starting to think about college?” You: “A little, but I’m really focused on my AP US History class first. Right now we’re studying…”

Them: “Graduation is right around the corner!”

You: “Yeah, it is! I’m glad I have a couple more seasons of field hockey to go. This year, my team…”

3. Flip the script

Turn the question back to the person who asked it. It doesn’t feel good to get interrogated with one question right after the other, and at your age, you probably get that a lot. The good news is that a lot of people are pretty comfortable talking about themselves, so if you can get that started, you can get yourself a little reprieve.

Them: “What are you going to major in?” You: “I haven’t made a final decision. What did you major in? Would you pick that major if you could do college over again?”

Them: “What do you want to do for a career?” You: “I have some ideas, but I’m still exploring. What do you like about your career?”

You can also ask them about their kid, if they have one! Adults love talking about their kids!

Advanced bonus move: lean in

Ask for advice. I know you get so much unsolicited advice that it feels like criticism, and that doesn’t feel good. So why am I telling you to go out of your way to ask for even more advice? Because it shifts the attention off of you, it lets the question-asker feel helpful, and at the end of the day, you don’t have to follow the advice if you don’t want to.

Best-case scenario, you’ll think the advice is actually good!

And when all else fails, remember that a conversation is a two-way street, and if you don’t want to be on that street any more, you can just… make a turn. That is, “I don’t know,” “not yet,” or the classic polite-smile-and-nod are all valid ways to get out of it.

I hope this gets you a chance to eat your scalloped potatoes in peace!

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If the high school junior you sent this to could use a little more than a newsletter to help them out, maybe I can help. This is the perfect time for juniors to start working with me on their college applications for a stress-free senior year. I have room for two more Comprehensive Admissions Support clients in the Class of 2027; families can schedule an initial consultation with me to find out if we’re a good fit to work together.

Every family seems to have that one adult who has the magic ability to engage kids and teenagers in deep, meaningful conversations. Who was it in your family when you were growing up? I’d love to hear about them – hit reply or comment to reminisce with me!

Wishing you safe travels and seconds (and thirds) of your favorite dish!